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Nigeria Peter Falange
Language(s) Swiss
Role(s) Politician
Aligned sector Himself
Nationality Swiss
Gender Male
Religious beliefs Neo Luminus Christianity
Relatives 823, none of whom he remembers at parties
Born 3rd December 2040 (Age 82)
Died Not soon enough
Physical Description
Skin colour Proud Swiss White
Hair colour White as the proud snow on the Himalayas
Height 5' 9"
I'm not a racist, but you see, we can't have all these people just waltzing in here trying to change what is and isn't Swiss. It's all sorts of people; Moslems, coloureds, the English... Back in my day that was simply Not Allowed.

–Nigeria Falange in a press conference

Nigeria Falange is a multibillionaire Swiss politician campaigning to get Switzerland out of the Euro Zone and also to add stripes on the flag.

Personal History

Perform most unsanitary sexual actions upon my rear if I'm wrong, but what's the big difference between calling a black a coloured or a person of colour?

–Nigeria Falange

Born into the wealthy elite of the Swiss section of the Euro Zone, he grew up in a family of fierce libertarians. Having been taught from a young age that the Euro Zone was just the revival of the USSR because statism,

At some point he married a French woman and brought her to live with him in his Swiss estates.

Political Career

I'm not a racist but the thought that some Austrians have built a house near mine is sort of threatening to our proud Swiss traditions.


Nigeria Falange currently runs as a candidate of the Get Us Out Of The Blighted Euro Zone Party, commonly referred to as the "bugger off" party. He campaigns on a basis of Euroskepticism, climate denialism, anti-immigration and libertarianism.


I'm not a racist but what we have today is a system of political correctness that means I can't have my jolly free speech without someone complaining.

–Nigeria Falange

One of the more notable aspects of Falange is both his complete insistence on how he isn't racist, and how he can hardly go a sentence without offending someone on racial grounds.


I feel at times that the stable society should assign votes based on wealth, because we can't have welfare queens and Romanians voting now can we?

–Nigeria Falange

Foreigners should only be here to give us their money and pay us for the privilege.

–Nigeria Falange

Send the Romanians back to... Rome!

–Nigeria Falange

Calling it Nazi gold is just yet more proof of the prevalent left wing bias in European media.

–Nigeria Falange when interviewed about his gold bullion vault

People shouldn't be so hung up over a war that happened centuries ago when the bigger issue is the one that happened in living memory. Nazism has never affected any of us on a personal level. This isn't the 21st Century. It's the 22nd.

–Nigeria Falange in the same interview.

I wouldn't have had to take extended refuge in my private bunker during the war if the European military had done a better job of protecting us.

–Nigeria Falange

Free Speech means to me having a chat to a group of Irishmen without my words ending up on the evening news.


It's just plain ridiculous when parents start calling their kids after countries.


All I'm saying is that immigrants and poor people need to know their place in society.

–Nigeria Falange

Not only is it an eyesore; but it's going to remain as one long after this renewable energy has run out!

–Nigeria Falange, in response to a hyrdoelectric dam being built near his third home.

Britain should be its own continent, otherwise it can hardly be called "Great"

–Nigeria Falange

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