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UNDER CONSTRUCTION

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Generaloberst Klaus von Austerlitz
Character
Aliases Santa Klaus
Language(s) English, French, German
Role(s) Chief of the Central American National Army (Sector IV agent of influence)
Aligned sector 4
Nationality Occitan
Element of surprise
Gender Male
Religious beliefs Cathar
Relatives None
Born 1st May 2065 (Age 57)
Died Not yet
Signature 100px
Physical Description
Skin colour Caucasian
Hair colour White
Height 6' 2"


I will not treat with heretics that make falschen anschuldigungen that the Glorious Unidorepúblicacentroamericana is nought more than a testing ground for experimentell European massenvernichtungswaffen!

–Klaus, after the León Incident.

Generaloberst Klaus von Austerlitz, born Pau Donat, is considered one of Sector IV's most useful agents. Currently one of if not the most powerful men in Central American politics, he uses his influence and power to try and keep some semblance of statehood in existence. He is known for an extreme distrust of Spanish onions.

Early Life

Pretty damn boring, actually. Somehow joined the European secret services.

Central American Service

Sent over to Central America, his job was to distract the Central American secret police - which was at the time reasonably competent - to allow the other European agents to steal everything that wasn't nailed down and set up a lucrative drug ring. Though initially dressing and acting like a European tourist, taking photographs of sensitive buildings to ensure he'd draw attention, Central American influence is contagious, and rapidly he took the practice to the logical extreme. His dossier back in Versailles catalogues a list of incidents that ended up on the Central American news, such as;

  • Turned up in a top hat, coat and tails. Offered tea to police, pelted them with scones and challenged one of them to a duel to the death. Arrested for wearing a monocle.
  • Dressed as a mime, rode around on a bicycle and used a baguette to joust a motorbike policeman nearly four metres. Arrested trying to move around an invisible wall.
  • Turned up naked and drunk in front of an army barracks. Later claimed to have no memory of the incident. Detained but later released.
  • Drove a car looking virtually identical to a giant camera in front of the secret police's recruitment station. Sentenced to death, released with a fine.
  • Brought twenty children, all named Harold, to an army base and claimed to be recruiting for his crack "youth brigade".
  • Crashed the Central American railway system for several days as people worked out how to remove a nuclear bomb from the tracks. Detained but released as he had technically not done anything illegal.
  • Turned up in the Ladolt National Private Hospital visibly ill. After several painful hours, he gave birth to a baby boy named Harold. Doctors stumped, politicians horrified. Harold was later found on the steps of an orphanage.
  • Managed to set the world record for highest level of cocaine in the blood, at 93%, before managing to set lead on fire and proclaiming it a miracle of science.
  • Dressed up in the uniform of an Imperial German Generaloberst (complete with pipe and pickelhaube), struck at nearby people with a cane, fired upon pigeons, built the "Goatapult" leading to the infamous incident. Was hired by Admint Toll and placed as the Chief of the Central American National Army.

His hiring came as a complete shock to both him and his European superiors. They recovered quickly and gave him new orders to sabotage Central America as much as possible but to prevent the sector from collapsing. However, as Admint Toll had hired the man calling himself "Generaloberst Klaus von Austerlitz", Pau Donat had no choice but to continue with that adopted persona.

Central American Leadership

Despite Klaus being probably the most suspect member of the cabinet, he was trusted completely at first, and his story - told in a heavy Berliner accent - about how he was from "cowboy-land of hamburgers and Jesus" was taken as gospel. Nobody thought that this Klaus could possibly be anything other than a skilled North American general come to help the Central American military. With almost no opposition, he set in place a series of reforms that created an army with an inflexible command structure, clearly dated tactics, incompetent leadership and horrendously poor training. Many wonderweapons would be either designed by him or approved by him, including the Panama nuclear weaponry. The effects would be demonstrated very well in the Great American War, where only vastly superior numbers and the Upper South Americans being distracted by another war to the south and eventually the North Americans showing up that allowed the Central American National Army to win any battles at all. As soon as the Upper South Americans focused some of their efforts into combating the Central Americans, their army rapidly crumbled and they pulled out of the war. In any reasonable society, Klaus would have promptly lost his job. Central America was not a reasonable society. Admint Toll was disappointed in Klaus' military performance, and so resolved to investigate the situation. Regrettably, the Big Three convened to off him before the investigation could be completed.

Even before Admint Toll's body cooled, bitter battles over the fate of Central America had begun. In the political sphere, Klaus strove to increase his own personal power as much as possible, sacking many unreliable officers and only appointing those ones completely loyal to him. In an inverse to what normally happens, this actually increased the combat readiness of the Central American National Army. Using the loyal leadership, he drew in nearly one million soldiers for a big march on the capital city. Opponents declared it a putsch, but quickly crumbled before the implied threat. Klaus cut a power-sharing deal and assumed the leadership of all military and police forces in Central America. As the last vestige of the Central American state left in existence, it gave him de facto control over Central America itself, though he still was de jure subordinate to the President. This began his hardest task.

Reeling from the shocking defeat of the Great American War, struck by instability over the death of its long-serving leader, and facing rising problems as the RWA and IWU became to be seen as the major opposition forces, Klaus found himself in the impossible job of just keeping Sector XI together, let alone trying to change anything. He faced continued opposition in the form of the Big Three, who were extremely averse to changing the conditions of the workers even to let the system survive. Some have suggested that they cut deals with the RWA and were preparing for a regime change. In the aftermath of the attacks on Central American food supplies, the Panaman Revolt and the release of thought-eradicated diseases like smallpox which the government couldn't fight and found itself too unpopular internationally to receive foreign aid, Central America itself started to come apart at the seams. He repeatedly requested to be allowed to return to the Euro Zone as the idea of the Central American government had less and less authority by each passing day, however it was denied for unknown reasons.

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